A resolution

I’ve been learning lots of things during last years, especially about people, relations and my connections with everybody. I’ve always spent some time thinking about it, as an overthinking lady, but after one year abroad these kinds of thoughts and reflexions become more and more vivid in your mind. It’s natural and it’s not bad, not at all. You live a whole year without anyone from your “old life”, suddenly sharing all your new moments with people who used to be complete strangers for you. We always have the Internet, but, little by little, you stick to your new “colleagues of life” and use Facebook and similar stuff only to talk to those people who are very important to you – at least regularly.

When the dream is over and you come back to reality (= your lovely trip finished), you miss your latest friends because, of course, they turned into your best fellows, those guys who were there to support you, whatever it happens. However, you realize that you can get connected to your “old friends” again. You don’t need to avoid (or at least you can’t) your mother tongue as happened during your year abroad, so you can speak to everybody. You missed those people, so obviously you want to see them – or at least, say hello through an electronic device.

Then things don’t occur as you expected. You miss lots of people, but you noticed that some people might not feel the same. I mean, they missed you, but not in the same way. In consequence, everything goes wrong because you create false expectations. I didn’t want a Welcome Parties or something like this, but you expect some effort from them. Answering your simple message, trying to find a day to see you – these little actions that make a difference. I’m 30 years old now, so I can assure that I learned how to recognize when people REALLY want to see me or not.

I gave the example of being abroad and coming back, but I could cite other situations during my life. I’m a kind of proactive person, so I’m that girl who believes in long-term connections with people who are important for me. However, in lots of situations I didn’t have the return that I was looking for. People were too busy or in trouble or just uninterested in seeing me or keeping in touch. It is always something like “I could see you if it was easy, but it’s not, so I’m sorry, let’s try another day”.

I got tired, that’s it. It’s not New Year, but I made my resolution. From now, I’ll stop doing huge efforts to keep relations, especially with those people who don’t look as interested as me. It’ll be worthy for all areas of my life. In other words, I’m sick of giving much and getting little (or nothing) in return. It’s not only exhausting and stressful, but also something that doesn’t bring me any positive result. As I talked to a friend some weeks ago, we need to value us more. And it’s easy to conclude that are something wrong when you have to beg for someone’s attention. I’m not saying that I’m angry or disappointed with people who act like this, I’m just telling that I won’t make every effort to save relations which would be equally cultivated for two people, not only one. It’s much preferential to use the same time to get together with someone who reciprocates the same care that I want to dedicate to others. After all, a relation is not useful when only you are willing to put time and heart into something. My life and my feelings are precious.

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