One year back to Brazil and some reflections

I had planned to write about the anniversary of my return to Brazil in the end of March when loads of things happened.

They weren’t bad things at all, but I had to spend time and energy to manage all the new events.

We say in Brazil that the year starts after Carnival, what it was absolutely true in my case. One week after the party, I began to be offered more work, not only new English classes but also works related to my original area, Journalism.

Surprisingly, one of the jobs was a permanent one and I decided to apply for it. I’ve got the job, so my life just turned upside down again.

As a result, now I work as a journalist for a website who covers news from around the world. I read texts in English and Spanish all the time, which is good to keep me in contact with these languages. Besides, I still work as an English instructor on Wednesdays, so it hasn’t been easy to manage time between personal and professional life.

My return to Brazil from Ireland was on March 28th in 2015. As I expected, the proximity to the date brought me mixed emotions. On one hand, I miss my friends and my routine in Ireland, even though I couldn’t experience much of what I’d call “routine”. In other words, I miss Dublin and the life that I had there. Not to mention the trips! On the other hand, I’m glad that I’m in my country again, where I don’t need to worry about visa or money to show someone to stay in. Brazil is far from being the best nation to live in, but there’s something “comfortable” about our homeland that is unexplainable.

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been thinking about my feelings related to my “Irish chapter”. It’s been hard to put such strong emotions into words, but I’d say that, after one year back, I started to feel good again. In a certain way I still regret my return, but at the same time, I know that I did what it was better for me at that moment when I took the decision.

Since I got off the plane last year, I’ve been making an effort to be patient with myself. I try to convince me that things can’t be easy when you go through so many changes in a relatively short time. Only in 2015 I lived in three cities. I touched the ground of 15 countries. I “abandoned” my life in Brazil in order to discover a new world, and after 12 months I had to “abandon” the “new home” to restart everything here. It’s impossible not to compare places, it’s impossible not to suffer. Sometimes I wished I’d never lived in Europe, so I wouldn’t have to cope with these difficult feelings.

Also, I came back without money, without a job, without a house, only with some expectations to live a new story. Or a new chapter, as I enjoy thinking.

I do try to be optimistic about last year, which was among the toughest in life. Nowadays, I believe I left those bad moments behind and I concentrate on the good things about my return.

If I hadn’t come back, I wouldn’t have discovered that I love working as an English instructor. And that fact is sort of weird because I went to Ireland to do something different, and eventually I just accomplished that in Brazil again. Facing trouble to make ends meet, I had to prove myself that I was able to be creative. And I did it. That represents an important victory.

I learned a good number of lessons through the last three years, but the most important is: I don’t need to be different from what I am. There’s nothing wrong with me. If the world is going mad and people are superficial and selfish, there’ nothing I can do.

From the time I realized that and from now on, I live according to what makes sense for me. My beliefs must guide me. I am the only responsible for all factors in my life and there’s no need to fulfill people’s expectations. I became even less materialist than before, and my trips made me sure that exploring the world in different aspects is the only thing that it’s worthy.

On last March 28th, I finished working at four o’clock and I went for a stroll. I ate my lunch at a park – too busy at midday – and I bought a chocolate bar to celebrate not only my “first anniversary in Brazil” but also the Easter celebration a day before.

The weather was good, the sun appeared, and it was a bit warm – a typical day of March in Sao Paulo. People on the streets were to and fro as always, but I was focused on that moment. I felt calm. I felt quite accomplished. My dream to live in Europe had come true, my life in Brazil was getting better and the worst suffering was left behind. In front of me, blank pages again, ready for new stories.

Life is movement, as my friend told me, and then I decided it’s time to pursue new dreams – or, at least, toy with the ideas.

I guess my only “big” dream is to travel as much as I can, so I’ll do it, no matter what. Ireland taught me that life can be magic if we know how to live it. And I think that I’m finally on the right path.

Take each day as it comes. The present is the truth. There’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

rainbow

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